True Love

You know, I never understood the phrase falling in love with God. Make Jesus your "groom". etc. I knew growing up that I wanted to be a wife and mother. It was something that I treasured and dreamed for. I was picky about the guys I dated, even scared of the temptation. I prayed for my husband. It was something that I easily made an ideal in my life.

I got married and I was so happy to get married. I knew i cared for my husband alot. It wasn't until I he told me he wanted a seperation that I really realized that I loved him. It wasn't until then that I truly knew what commitment was. As went through this seperation phase for the last two years, that i truly have experienced God's love in a more intimate and real way.

I put this relationship and ideal so above anything else. I sought God during my desperation and he showed up everytime. He met me when I didnt meet Him. He pursued me through people, church, scripture, and music and prayer.

This last month i am realizing more and more my daily and even hourly need for the Lord, for his scripture to penetrate my soul. To carve out all the sin that is in my life. This week is the week of our divorce, so it is heavy on my heart. This month I attended three weddings and one in particular was so moving to me. At this wedding the pastor spoke out how the groom should love his wife the way that Christ loves the Chruch. I see so beautifully now how Christ has loved me. What a high standard a husband has to love his wife. I am just in awe at how much I need Jesus and how suprised I am that he continues to love me.

I am thankful that He has chosen to love me and continue to pursue me. I am thankful that He is always get the glory out of the darkest and ugliest situations. Somehow Jesus makes something beautiful out of what was intended for destruction.

In the last few months I have been working through some stuff. One day i was listening to a song Laura Story wrote. The song was talking about how God paid the highest price for broken jars of clay. I remember driving down the road and being overwhelmed of the word picture that was brought to my mind through this song. I thought about the analogy of Jesus being at an auction and how our lives represents a broken pot. The pot is worth 5 cents and Jesus paid billions of dollars for what was worth so little. Meaningless in the eyes of the world but so precious that God gave his only Son for us. What an amazing gift.

Out of the song and word picture came time in the word and more thought. I started to paint and read scripture. He is what the painting turned out like and the scripture that inspired it. I dont know that it is finished but I love the lessons that I am learning in creating it. Forgive the poor picture quality.

This pot represents my life, how i am empty and broken. I am glued together by the grace of God, through His love and redemption. Jesus has filled my broken, craked filled light and has chosen to use me and pour his light in to my life, and because of him I have hope.

"Do you not know? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even young men stumble and fall out of those whose Hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:28-31

For God who said "Let light shine out of darkness made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of knowledge of the glory of GOd in the face of Christ but we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side but not crushed, perplexed but not in despair, persecuted but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed. We always carry around in our bodies the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 2 Corinthians 4:6-10

Create in me a clean heart, O God and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Dont cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Psalms 51:10-12

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalms 147:3

Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed for his compassions never fail. They are new every morningl great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; thereforeI will wait for him. The Lord is good to those whose HOPE is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. - Lametations 3:22-26